This weekend I was SO looking forward to riding, but the weather had other plans. :( The rain today prevented me from doing anything. I actually considered just cleaning all my tack tonight and riding in the rain during C's nap, but the field is just too sloppy/slippery to ride. It did not seem worth the hassle to only be able at ride the walk.
BIG HUGE SAD SIGH! (yes I am totally pouting)
I hope tomorrow afternoon is better. But then again, even if it is not raining, the field will probably not be dry enough. I HATE THIS! If S was home, then at least I could take a trail ride or something. But I absolutely have to stay in the backyard if I ride when C is napping and I am the only adult here...DUH obviously. Maybe I will just ride at a walk anyway. I am so horse deprived at the moment. I am already wishing it were spring and it is not even the end of fall yet. This is very bad.
I was looking over some of my blog entries and it makes me happy to see we have made progress. That was the entire point of starting the blog, so when I was down about things I could go back and re-read about all the things we have accomplished.
But of course, because of my mood, it struck me how much I struggle. I mean, wouldn't it be nice to just have a "regular" horse (meaning one who is actually suited for dressage)? There would be no entries about "Oh my god, we finally had a normal canter transition!" after SEVEN months of canter training. There would be no "Gee, she still paces sometimes when she is unsure." :(
I think because I am so down about riding (meaning I am not getting enough TIME to ride) I end up beating myself up about my lack of progress. I mean I know that is dumb, seeing as I have taken a broodmare who had never been ridden and now due to my own skill we are (kind of) successful at Training level dressage. And of course, it is a STANDARDBRED not a warmblood or TB or something. So see, I know my attitude is dumb.
But for some reason I just feel disappointed. I mean, I know I have done good things with Dreamy. And I do not need anyone to tell me that, nor do I need ribbons or awards to prove it. But I just wish I had TIME to ride!!! I hate this. And the lack of opportunity to continue her training is completely making me disappointed in myself. There is nothing I can do, short of quitting my job (which I would LOVE to do, but that is so not even remotely reality) so I can stay home to ride during C's nap every day.
Honestly, if I could actually ride 5-6 times a week, our canter WOULD be even better than it is right now. And some of the stupid training issues would be gone, seeing as CONSISTENT work usually eliminates them. I have basically be unable to ride during the week since I began teaching. And I HATE THAT. I really truly do. I almost resent teaching because of it. (OK who am I kidding, I totally do.)
Now part of me knows that next spring Dreamy will pretty much pick up where we left off this year, but right now that is not helping me. I miss my lessons. I miss setting goals. I miss my weekly training plans. I miss riding. Period.
Wow, I am just a ton of fun tonight. I just need to vent about this, because it has made me so stressed out lately to the point of tears. Riding is such a part of who I am, it actually makes me feel sick to not be riding my horse. And she is NOT a happy camper when she is left unworked and only turned out each day. At least she gets 12-13 hours of turnout.
UGGGGGGGGGGGG. At least if there were 5 feet of snow I would be able to rationalize not riding. My patient readers, you do not need to bother to comment. LOL! I know in my brain what I need to do and how I need to view this situation. I just wish my heart would cooperate.