Saturday, November 8, 2008

Rainy Day

This weekend I was SO looking forward to riding, but the weather had other plans. :( The rain today prevented me from doing anything. I actually considered just cleaning all my tack tonight and riding in the rain during C's nap, but the field is just too sloppy/slippery to ride. It did not seem worth the hassle to only be able at ride the walk.

BIG HUGE SAD SIGH! (yes I am totally pouting)

I hope tomorrow afternoon is better. But then again, even if it is not raining, the field will probably not be dry enough. I HATE THIS! If S was home, then at least I could take a trail ride or something. But I absolutely have to stay in the backyard if I ride when C is napping and I am the only adult here...DUH obviously. Maybe I will just ride at a walk anyway. I am so horse deprived at the moment. I am already wishing it were spring and it is not even the end of fall yet. This is very bad.

I was looking over some of my blog entries and it makes me happy to see we have made progress. That was the entire point of starting the blog, so when I was down about things I could go back and re-read about all the things we have accomplished.

But of course, because of my mood, it struck me how much I struggle. I mean, wouldn't it be nice to just have a "regular" horse (meaning one who is actually suited for dressage)? There would be no entries about "Oh my god, we finally had a normal canter transition!" after SEVEN months of canter training. There would be no "Gee, she still paces sometimes when she is unsure." :(

I think because I am so down about riding (meaning I am not getting enough TIME to ride) I end up beating myself up about my lack of progress. I mean I know that is dumb, seeing as I have taken a broodmare who had never been ridden and now due to my own skill we are (kind of) successful at Training level dressage. And of course, it is a STANDARDBRED not a warmblood or TB or something. So see, I know my attitude is dumb.

But for some reason I just feel disappointed. I mean, I know I have done good things with Dreamy. And I do not need anyone to tell me that, nor do I need ribbons or awards to prove it. But I just wish I had TIME to ride!!! I hate this. And the lack of opportunity to continue her training is completely making me disappointed in myself. There is nothing I can do, short of quitting my job (which I would LOVE to do, but that is so not even remotely reality) so I can stay home to ride during C's nap every day.

Honestly, if I could actually ride 5-6 times a week, our canter WOULD be even better than it is right now. And some of the stupid training issues would be gone, seeing as CONSISTENT work usually eliminates them. I have basically be unable to ride during the week since I began teaching. And I HATE THAT. I really truly do. I almost resent teaching because of it. (OK who am I kidding, I totally do.)

Now part of me knows that next spring Dreamy will pretty much pick up where we left off this year, but right now that is not helping me. I miss my lessons. I miss setting goals. I miss my weekly training plans. I miss riding. Period.

Wow, I am just a ton of fun tonight. I just need to vent about this, because it has made me so stressed out lately to the point of tears. Riding is such a part of who I am, it actually makes me feel sick to not be riding my horse. And she is NOT a happy camper when she is left unworked and only turned out each day. At least she gets 12-13 hours of turnout.

UGGGGGGGGGGGG. At least if there were 5 feet of snow I would be able to rationalize not riding. My patient readers, you do not need to bother to comment. LOL! I know in my brain what I need to do and how I need to view this situation. I just wish my heart would cooperate.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

E!!!! KNOCK IT OFF!!!!
You are not the only one in this place.
None of us get to do everything we want to do. I would love to be able to ride like I used to before all the challanges entered my life. It took me YEARS to rationalize my issues and admit them and how they curtail what I am able to do. But, I have and there are still times when I watch you or Kristen ride Duncan that it hurts cause I can not ride him to the level you guys can. I have to remind myself I am over 60 not 30 anymore.

The other issues is we live in good old New England and we both know what that means. Hang tough and you'll be fine and get out for a putt this afternoon while C is snoozing.

OnTheBit said...

Well I am sure you are telling yourself all the right things, but I just want to let you know I empathize. When I was finally ready to ride again after Gen got hurt I rode X for about a week and he felt funny and then his owner took him to the horse hospital and found out he broke his hip it was very frustrating. Some times in life you miss riding, but you are okay with it. And sometimes you just want to get into the saddle and the world just wont co-operate. I know that this isn't any where close to as good as riding but when I wanted to ride and could't for the first time ever I sat down and really read about dressage. Theories, training methods, etc. I know I would never have made it through a Zettle book if I had been riding. Because I missed it so much I was able to focus and so when I did get to ride I had learned a lot and I was SUPER focused. My trainer still teases me that the reason I have worked to hard to improve with X is because I missed riding last year. I think she might be right. I just want to send a big HUG out your way because it just sucks.